Entry #5 – Be the Weirdest Individual You Could Possibly Be

What I mean is, be true to yourself. Kind of like that 98 Degrees song at the end of Mulan, “True to Your Heart.”  Just listen to it.  It’s good for you.  Well, as long as you remember that you don’t need validation through the affection of another person.  Sorry.  I’ll try to focus and not deconstruct Disney soundtracks.

This is a particularly good time for me to remind myself of this, since I’m starting to write cover letters and look for jobs and generally be driven to forget that I like anything about myself and that I’m pretty awesome most of the time – when I’m not blowing my brains out over stress.  My palms feel like they’re in a state of permanent sweatiness right now.  Sorry.  You probably didn’t need to know that.

While job hunting and writing cover letters, I’ve felt from time to time like I’m excising my personality and what I care about and replaced it with clinical descriptions of my filing aptitude.  There’s nothing particularly wrong with that, on the contrary, it’s not the best idea to gush all over your future employer about how passionate you are about the titles they’ve produced.  If your cover letter reads, “OMG JOHN GREEN CHANGED MY LIFE AND HIS BOOKS MAKE ME CRY IN PUBLIC PLEASE HIRE ME!!!!”  Well.  I think you can all tell the difference between that and “I currently work in the offices of these four highly reputed literary agents, reading manuscripts from clients and queries, and composing reader reports, editorial letters, and rejection letters.”  Even if my heart wants to hire the fangirl…

But you can still be an individual.  You can still show your passion, you just have to be smart about it.  Most of the time, it’s highly likely to be the case that who you name drop and your previous professional experiences are the factors that get you an interview.  But sometimes, I like to believe it’s that personal part at the very end of the letter that will set you above the rest of your competition.  Guys, I am a deep carer of things.  You know that.  It should be no surprise to you that I feel this way.

That’s why, when I came across a posting for an editorial assistant that had a background in gaming, my heart clenched up a teeny tiny bit.  It was like looking at the editor herself and quietly asking, “Were you looking for me?” 

I must confess, I’ve been a little lonely on the geek front out here.  When I left behind most of my friends in Seattle, I was also departing from a community that is unabashedly up front about League, board games, anime, homestuck, Robert Jordan, Patrick Rothfuss, and the actual A Song of Ice and Fire books, not just the HBO series.  I go around the city dialed down about 50,000 notches.  Well, that may be an exaggeration.

But when I realized that one of the other interns here is also a Yu Yu Hakusho fan, my brain short circuited.  I just sort of stared at her in disbelief.  My people are out here, apparently, we’re just flying under the radar like pros.  Well, probably not me.  I can only turn down the volume so much, guys.  Sorry.  I mean, I’m not sorry.  I mean… you’re welcome?

I applied to that job, of course.  I said all of the important things.  Where I work right now, and for who, and all of the skills I’ve acquired, including some proficiency with very specific database software.  But in that last paragraph, I mentioned replaying Chrono Trigger, and that Ashe is my go-to AD Carry, and how much I miss my dungeon master right now.  Because, yeah, I can write you an awesome pitch letter.  But I can also tell you why Silent Hill: Revelations was a horrendously disappointing movie adaptation.  Because I’m me.  That’s all.

One of my fears in growing up has been that I’ll just become so much less… me.  That someone will look at me and the things that I love and say, “Grow up, fangirl.”  I’m not saying I’m trying to be Peter Pan or anything, but I do think that there’s something wrong with that.  I refuse to equate what I love, those parts of what make me as amazing as I am, with being immature or childish or any less of a comprehensive adult.

And hey, maybe it’s my professional skill set and my general geekery that will eventually get me a job.  Maybe not.  But these parts that change and grow as I do don’t have to EAT each other. 

As long as I’m being true to myself, I’ll be happy.  Everything else will come in time.  I hope that all of you will be yourselves, no matter what amount of stress or pressure you go through.  Never be anything less than the wonderful person you are, no matter how weird.

Be the weirdest individual you can possibly be.  That’s my version of a Hallmark card.  Fangirl on.